This topic has been rattling around in my brain for quite a long time and I'm FINALLY writing about it.
Men vs. Women....Lovers vs. Friends....Homies vs. Cut Buddies.....All of these titles come with positive and negative connotations, but the age old question really is:
Is it really possible for men and women to be STRICTLY friends?????
I'm always reminded of movies like "Brown Sugar" or "Love and Basketball" when I think about this topic. Two friends, one male/one female, going through life together, supporting each other, ignoring the underlying sexual tension and then finally realizing they're meant to be with each other! Granted, Hollywood depictions of these situations are always dramatized or end predictably happy; there are still real life occurrences of this relationship.
This type of relationship is one I've dealt with for as long as I can remember. Ever since I knew men existed, I've had male friends. LOTS of male friends.....[whispers] don't go getting the wrong idea about the type of woman I am......I just, for whatever reason, relate to males better than I do with members of my sex and I think there's nothing wrong with that. Here is my problem, conundrum, issue, query, inquisition WHATEVER YOU WANNA CALL IT: Is it possible for you to meet someone of the opposite sex, under particular circumstances, and be friends (FRIENDS ONLY) with him/her?
**particular circumstance: You're out & about. A guy (girl) approaches you, compliments you on how you look, etc. Attempts to set up some sort of dating scenario. You meet up with this person, sparks don't fly for EITHER you OR the other person (meaning only one of the two is interested in more). The uninterested person expresses how they feel, yet still thinks the other is cool peeps and wants to keep in touch....**
In other words your initial meeting with individual is one of attraction, but results in just being friends. You converse with this person as you would with any of your other friends (i.e. asking for advice, checking up on them, supporting them with life decisions, being a shoulder, etc), but because of the circumstances under which you met, can you really consider them just a friend???
Personally, I think it's possible. Although I didn't meet ALL of my male friends that way, with some, that's how our relationship played out. Call me naive, but I feel if both parties understand the limits of the relationship, there is no reason why a man and woman (regardless of their history) can't be friends only. It's true that at some point someone may try to cross that invisible line, but as adults you should be able to respectfully put your friend back in their designated box.
Whenever I bring this subject up around men, the consensus is:
"There is no way a man and a woman can be just friends without one or the other eventually wanting more"
That baffles me.....I would like to think we as humans have evolved over the past few decades to now know that male/female relationships are a bit more complex than just: "meet, date, marry, procreate, rinse & repeat..." (l.o.l.)......
Am I being immature about this whole thing????? Let me know......
Damn... so you saying that this thing of ours is gonna end in the friend-zone? Wow... smh. Depression is gonna start to set in.
ReplyDeleteJ/k! Nice topic. I can offer two perspectives: that of 99.99% of men and my own. Here goes:
Majority opinion: Hell No men and women can't have a purely platonic relationship that was initially built on physical attraction. For the most part, guys don't really want to have girls as friends for the same reason why a lot of women don't want to have a lot of female friends: they're full of drama! Save it for ya mama; men go out and meet women for one reason and one reason only: because they believe they'll be able to get something out of the relationship (sex, relationship, dry-humping, etc., etc.). Guys don't approach females in an attempt to build meaningful and lasting friendships. Well, let me qualify that: STRAIGHT men don't approach females in an attempt to build meaningful relationships. This is the way that we are made and its not going to change. Now, that is not to say that we cannot have platonic female friends because we can. However, those relationships are never built on physical attraction. There is always something else involved, like a hook-up at whatever department store she works at or trying to meet some of her cute friends.
Minority Opinion: guys and dolls can and should work to build platonic relationships, even when those relationships are built upon physical attraction. There is so much more to the fairer sex than... well, sex, that fellas stand to be better human beings by having lasting and meaningful platonic relationships with them. Speaking from personal experience, some of my best friends are ex-girlfriends.
Honestly, I think I fall in between the two opinions. Get too close to some females, and they get hard to get rid of. Thats right: platonic female friends can be a major cock-block! Besides, whenever a guy decides to be boo'd up for real, his lady is not gonna want to see him kicking it real tough with his "homegirls." It just doesn't work that way. Any women (but this is not exclusively reserved for women) would be extremely jealous if her man was as close, or closer, to another woman. If the relationship is to go somewhere, that platonic girlfriend is gonna have to get out the picture (quickly).
Whenever I get boo'd, I understand that some of my female friends are gonna have to take a backseat. Because hearing my old-lady's mouth about this issue is just a headache I don't need to experience again.
OMG! I just wrote the longest response and it just got deleted!!!
ReplyDeleteQuick summary: most guys don't want girlfriends unless they can have non-committal relations. Some guys do realize and appreciate the contributions that a female friend will undoubtedly make in a man's life. Personally, I believe there is a fine line here because whenever you decide to get into a serious relationship, your significant other is not going to want to have your opposite sex "besties" hanging around all the damn time. That just sounds annoying.
I feels ya Lyndon.....however, I don't totally agree BUT that's ok! That's what makes for great discussions! :-)
ReplyDeleteExample: FAST! In my opinion, no guy wants to be just friends with that lady because at the moment he laid eyes upon her, he immediately had intentions, and It wasnt just to be friends. So him saying, yeah we can be "really" cool, is another way of saying, Im gonna work my way in as a friend and then make my move. Period, point, blank. Thats an old trick and frankly, some guys need to learn a new one...(excluding the ones who dont pull stunts like this) It happens all too frequently and any chic that believes that little fable, should open her eyes and get a copy of the "play book"
ReplyDeleteLOL Cuz it did not get deleted I just read that long a** thang... I for one hear where u coming from but I have guy friends that I have never slept with and still friends with.... So I do believe it's possible to have them - yes maybe attraction may have sparked the relationship but it's NOT what kept it... some females(mature) ones know how to be a friend and not a bug-a-boo too and that is what will make a friendship between a guy and lady last...
ReplyDeleteI have never really like this topic cause it always have the same answers but it's nice I guess to be reminded of what each think... O and Lyndon don't be tryin to get next to my homegirl!! LOL ~Dianna
lol... @ohemgeebreezie: What don't you agree with? I gave 3 different perspectives...
ReplyDeleteI agree with Diana that mature people can have platonic friends, but it has a necessary limit. Its not about being a bug-a-boo, either. Its more about jealousy. This isn't always true but I'm sure everyone here can think of at least one situation where a dude was dating a girl that his homegirl "didn't like" for whatever reason.
Lol...Jazzy, my mom and I said the same thing on our walk earlier. I think in situations like that, you then have to make a decision for yourself whether or not you're willing to put up with the man and his foolery. If your friendship isn't worth it or isn't that strong, then the decision should be simple. You just can't entertain that "get it in" talk....if he tries to take it there you gotta put him in his place. I think that element is what allows those types of relationships to turn into really good friendships. If he doesn't get the hint, or blatant expression, that you ain't having it, then KICK HIIM TO THE CURB HUNNIE! ......but i'm not telling you anything you don't already know ;-)
ReplyDeleteLyndon, I agree with SOME of what was said, I just don't fully agree with the "majority" opinion you offered....But you said what you said and said it well ;-)
ReplyDeleteDianna: GIRL YOU SILLY! hahaha But I LOVE the point you made "attraction might have sparked the relationship/friendship, but that's not what kept it"......*snaps*
If asked this question in the past I would have answered that it's impossible for a man to be platonic friends with a woman. I guess that was back when many of my thoughts were via my penis.
ReplyDeleteNow, now that I'm older and have a few years and friendships with different females under my belt, I guarantee that it is totally possible.